Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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