how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize