i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No subtext here. People are naked.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
