she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
