you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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