the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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