if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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