well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
