Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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