i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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