ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You work out of a Hotel?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
