I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
