On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
