I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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