sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
