I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
