my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
