I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
