i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
