I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
