Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
