Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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