His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
