it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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