Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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