Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
