my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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