I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
