I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
