thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
