I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
