Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
