Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
