My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
