I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize