ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
