I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
