do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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