I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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