I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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