This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
