They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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