It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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