my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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