I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
