We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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