what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize