Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
