He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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