tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
