This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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