they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize