Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
