Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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