God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
