Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
