so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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