woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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