i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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