By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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