Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
