I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
