So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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