how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
