i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
