I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
