Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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