Welp...herpes.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize