i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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