Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
