Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
