My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
