im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
