none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
