His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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