I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I can text with my tongue
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
