Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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