they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
