My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
