Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
