there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
