He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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