So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
