Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
