Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
