Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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