Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
