I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
