Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize