Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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