You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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