i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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