you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
