you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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