The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
