Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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