Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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