im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
