I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
