we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
