life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
