This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
