Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
